exs. the first thing that comes into our mind when we remember our exs are "wonder how he/she is?" or "wonder if the bitch is still alive?". some may be "why was i with him/her in the first place" or maybe, "what happened between us again?".
i guess its normal that they cross our mind sometimes, especially if they passed by infront of us. it'll be awkward if it was an eye-to-eye clash. i've clashed into my ex on the mini mart & he actually parked beside our car when there were like more big space on the other side. what would cross into you mind when that happens? "why on earth?" much, right? & i as a forgiving person, smiled to him with a "why the hell does he have to park beside me!" in my heart. then, the next day he passed by our car again but luckily he didnt see me. phew.
come to think of it, silly how some girls are at the early teens to believe the term forever. some okay, i said some! im not judging anyway, i was like that myself once upon a time & it took me about 30 plus guys to date to find the right man, whom i call my husband now.
what i noticed about my previous relationships was, it was all planned. i have this thing which we probably call it a perfectionist. like, i hint guys on how to be sweet so they'll do things my way & they actually did! like i told them i like guys who makes me laugh, & they'll make me laugh alright. it all went well until someone has to ruin it, example they got bored on being a fake.
unlike before, what i have now is not the same. i didnt plan it all. well most of it. i didnt plan on falling in love with him for real, thats one thing for sure. we started as friends at MSN. he was introduced by this guy i used to like on a conversation chat at MSN cause this guy i like wants to prove he doesnt mind me chatting with another guy he knows. so yeah, the first nick i call my husband before wasnt good actually, cause i called him 'baie'. haha! so i swear alot, atleast he knows how i am. plus he backed up the guy who i used to like, who was teasing me. so i have my reasons, okay.
he made the first move by adding me. we chatted at times, but not everyday cause i was still into the guy i used to like. until one day, i was doing a medical check at RIPAS with my clasmates & we finished early. if i have to wait for my dad, it'll be like waiting for another 2 hours. i wasnt used to my classmates yet at that time to get myself a ride so what i did was call someone i know with a car to pick me up. it took me 15 minutes to think on whom to be called & then i remember him; my husband whom i still swore at that time haha. that made me making the second move without even noticing it was a move. i still remember the call & it was like:
me: hello, pel. keraja kau?
pel: inda, napa?
ma: mana kau ni?
pel: dirumah, napa?
me: dapat kau tolong aku?
pel: napa?
me: aku nada ride balik, so dapat kau ambil aku kah?
pel: dimana kau?
me: hospital RIPAS.
pel: bah, tunggu jap.
me: bah, thank you thank you. message saja aku ah.
HAHA! random much? if that was in the middle of the night, he probably think it was a botty call. LOL!
so, i waited for him with a friend & my friend was like making me doubting the phone call a bit as he said "you hardly know him. bisai-bisai saja". i was like, 'oh yeah, i just remember we never met.' so within 20 minutes, he came & my first impression was 'ooo. he has a good car'. haha i was materialistic at that time, okay. so i walked in, sat & said hi. i still remember how i sat & it was at the very corner of the seat. i didnt even turn away from him, incase of something. i did checked him out though & my second impression was 'ah i see, hidung mancung.' i wouldnt say it was love at first sight. we talked like how we chat on our way & it was easy for us to get along as i was really friendly back then.
ever since then, we always chat & we started to talk on the phone until dawn. i have to admit, the dawn part, i made him do that by hinting him. i havent fallen for him though. it was more of a lust at that time as i was heartbroken by the guy i used to like. time passed by and slowly, i didnt notice things was actually moving on by itself as he started to send me home after school as i dont like being picked up late by my parents & also started to have lunch with me, like always.
my friends noticed that there was something between us but i was in denial & said he was more of a bestfriend. back then it was for me. im not sure about him but from his side of the story, he said he had fallen for me ever since we met face-to-face. yes, on the so-called booty call ride. anyways, i was tired of being in love at that time so i rather be bestfriends with him at that time.
he made the third move as he asked if i wanted to go out for a movie, though it was with his friends. i didnt think i could go but i gave it a try asking my dad, & to my surprise, he allowed it. & again without noticing it, that was also another move on in our friendship. ever since then again, we always hang out together especially at my place. that was when i started to notice something will eventually happen between us & at that time, i was so not into him. i was even thinking of a plot on how to get rid of him or atleast let him know i see him as a bestfriend only. but i was too late, he started to show his feelings & say that i was the only girl he likes. so, i just go with the flow & let time slip my way out of this.
one night, i got my key to the escape door. he was somewhere in the toilet i think, & i was in the living room with his phone. suddenly a text message came & i, thinking myself that bestfriends dont hide anything from each other, simply open the message. it was a text from another girl, defining herself as his so-called girlfriend. instead of seeing the light to the escape door, i got mad. i dont even know why i was furious. i dont even like him! well, that was what i thought. when he came back, i gave him the phone without exiting the text message & told him to leave. he looked down his phone & knew why i was like that. he wanted to explain but i dont want to hear anything. i told him to leave & when i got into my room, i actually cried. not that i was sad because of that, i was sad why am i mad! i was sad because i dont know why i am sad! i was so sad that i didnt even bother of his text messaged and calls that night.
the next day he called me, in tears, saying sorry & stuffs but i was back to the cold heart me. i told him never to disturb me again & ended the call thinking i have ended everything. but i was wrong. that same day, at night, i was taking a nap when my brother woke me up saying he came. that was something i didnt expect at all. i went down to see him with a plastic bag full of chocolates & that got me dumbfounded. in my head was 'i didnt plan this to happen'. i wanted to smile but remembering the fact hes the same as the others made me not to. i sat & told him i just cant do it more than being friends. he said he understand & he just wants me to give him a chance to atleast make it up. i with my ego told him not to put up more hopes instead. LOL!
again, ever since, we were close again. closer than before. he even followed me on our family raya when i thought he'd be with his family. that was when we did a big step of move on in our friendship/so-called relationship or whatever ship you call it as he meets every one of my relatives! what was more awkward for me was when my parents confidently introduced him as my boyfriend to everyone! i was like "OMG NOOO!" & he was like doing the teasing face of liking that introductions. i swore i wanted to choke him at that time. well, in a teasing way actually. after what happened, i started to think whether i like him or not & have to actually let everyone & him face reality that we were just bestfriends.
as i planned to loosen up tings with him, i noticed i was starting to miss him. i noticed how he has always been there for me & i mean always there beside me whenever i need someone. & somewhere in early october, at 2 am when i couldnt sleep, & there was used to be him to entertain me, i finally noticed i do have feelings for him. instead of leaving him a text message, i emailed him as we were into sending emails at that time. LOL!
i didnt wanna go too fast so i said we can start but i want an official start on the 20th october. that was because incase i changed my mind actually. sorry baby :p i did have doubts as i was still scared to be in a relationship again. thoughts of my pasts relationships with my exs makes me more scared to begin a new one again. but somehow, he managed to eased me down and accept fate :)
ever since 20th october 2008, we got together. he stole almost every firsts he could in my life, like the first one to go out of Brunei with me, the first to sleepover, the first to bring me out anytime & come home anytime, well sometimes. though, there was a lot of crazy ups & downs. it was more easy when it was my exs than with him that i almost give up!
but now, here i am, sitting here, doing this blog, as his wife :)
& now i know, it was hard with him because what we have now is real. it wasnt planned because Allah planned this without my conscious, to surprise me with the person who is the total opposite of what i want in a guy. i thank Allah to let me found Pel & let this man who is scores zero in my checklist to be a perfect fit in my life :)
i guess this is my advance speech for our relationship anniversary.
happy advance 2 years anniversary, my husband :)
& i pray to be only yours, my bestfriend ♥
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